Frustrations

I’m frustrated. As usual. Right now I’m in the middle of burnout, which being AuDHD is a typical existence. I’m not even sure what it is I’m even creating here. I feel like for the longest time, I just want to create a BLOG that helps people get out of their rut, and for the longest time I cannot even get myself out of that rut. But in the end, it’s probably good to just be honest.

I’m very devastated over what’s going on in the GAZA strip between Israel and Hamas, which is depressing me to no end.

It also upsets me because, as a Christian, I feel like I’m frustrated. I’m frustrated that people cannot just believe in Jesus.

And I’m also frustrated as a writer, because it seems that perhaps me writing does literally NOTHING to help these people.

In the end, what can I do other than present things as really magical and sell them to people? I guess I can sell products and take pictures and leverage them to help people see the value in them.

I can make a website look pretty. I can sell something.

I can also talk about how the 9-5 work life also sucks for a lot of people. Yeah, I can do that. I can also talk about the importance of not placing things in front of Jesus. Because nothing will really fill that hole. If you don’t fill it with faith, you’ll find something else to fill it with. And right now, that’s my bitterness towards my relationship, my anger at my career feeling stalled, and even being part of LinkedIn is something I find VERY frustrating.

I am embarassed having holes in my resume, and in a sense, there must be more to FAYTH. I need a schtick and even my own sister doesn’t want to be part of this with me, which I feel even worse.

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I’m currently nearly finished with a book called “The Pathless Path” which really defines, in pretty accurate terms, what I’m dealing with. I’m dealing with wanting to leave the 9-5 world, not just because I don’t see myself as fitting in, but also because I find it an unfulfilling existence. I’m also sure that Jesus felt very similarly about this. I’m finding it frustrating trying to monetize everything in my life, even this blog. I’m frustrated because I don’t feel like I want to monetize this blog. I want to monetize products associated with it, because it could potentially help others. And doing a Bible study might also help some people. So maybe I can just record myself doing that. But everything else, I dunno. I don’t know if I can monetize this blog. Honestly, I’m not sure I have much to even say.

Having AuDHD is frustrating. Especially because it so often goes against what I want to be accomplishing.

DLW was my previous business, which was all about helping people freelance while also speaking to their needs of existential crisis. Which means offering them mindfulness meditations, speaking about issues of “purpose” and things of that nature. I feel like FAYTH is a bit different, in that it’s really catering specifically to the Christian. The “Kinfolk” of Christianity. Which is great, but also is less of a commentary on existentialism, and more of a solution-based approach. I don’t have much to add to the existential crisis when it comes to faith. I feel like I could talk about it extensively because I’ve had so much of that existential crisis, but I’m not sure I can offer solutions in a BLOG format. In fact, I’d actually probably point people to attending a church, joining a community group, discussing big existential questions with Pastors or looking at various YouTube videos, and also gaining good Christian friends. I’d say self-reflection and Bible reflections is more of what I can offer here.

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Existential questions, and NDEs and how that connects to faith.

Purpose … what is God’s purpose for me, versus my own purpose? Are the two the same, and how are they different?

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The other thing that I’m thinking about is also the direction of this website overall.